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This morning I watched the sun rise from 20,000 feet.  It wasn’t the first sunrise I’ve ever witnessed, of course, but it’s not very often that I am awake early enough to watch the skies go from inky blackness to the spectacular display of pastel perfection that accompanies the break of dawn.  When I buckled into the drivers seat at 3 am this morning to drive to the airport, it was really.  really.  really dark out.  You know, the kind of dark that you don’t really experience unless it’s the middle of a cloudy moonless night and you’re driving down a country road with no streetlights.  Even sitting on the tarmac waiting to takeoff at 5:45, it was still preeeetty stinkin dark outside.  But then, as the wheels of the plane lifted off the ground and we broke through the cloud cover, something amazing, dare I even say “enlightening” happened.

Light broke through.

I love those three words.  Light.  Broke.  Through.  Oh, what a beautiful occurrence.  Suddenly, in the space of just a few minutes, what was covered in a blanket of deep night was made visible, with all the splendor of an artist’s palette come to life.   In the vast expanse of sky that beckoned me from the other side of the oval shaped window, the horizon melted into a watercolored dream with hues of purple, pink, orange, and blue that all come together in a way that leaves me unable to do anything but praise the creativity and mastery of my majestic, artistic God.

I opened my Bible to Luke 8 and read this in verses 16-18… “No one lights a lamp and puts it in a clay jar or under a bed.  Instead, they put it on a stand so those who come in can see the light.  For there is nothing hidden that will not be disclosed, and nothing concealed that will not be known or brought into the open.  Therefore, consider carefully how you listen.  Whoever has will be given more; whoever does not have, even what they think they have will be taken from them.”  Such rich words, but the parts that really stood out to me were in verse 17, “There is nothing hidden that will not be disclosed,” and in verse 18, “…consider carefully how you listen.”

It’s so important, when reading and interpreting scripture to take the time to read the passages surrounding the one you are studying.  Content plus context leads to understanding.  The beginning of Luke 8 contains the well known parable of the sower.  I won’t go into that story here, but it’s worth reading if you haven’t read it for awhile.  Basically, Jesus was saying that there are many different responses to the gospel and that, to the one who receives the good news and walks in it, the secrets of the kingdom of heaven will be made available.  I love this promise, because it reminds me that God has made available to me the power that He made available to Christ (John 14:12).

Keeping that parable in mind, consider verses 16-18.  If you’re familiar with the verses at all, you know that Jesus is saying that you and I (Christ followers) are the light.  Jesus didn’t sacrifice his life for us so we could hang out in church with other believers just like ourselves and keep the life transforming truth of the gospel to ourselves.  We are supposed to be a light; a brightness-bringing, darkness-penetrating, life-illuminating light to a world in crisis.  When the light enters a room, there is nothing that it does not touch, nothing that it does not affect.  The Bible says in 1 John 1:7 that, “…if we walk in the light, as He is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus, His son, purifies us from all sin.”  Light and darkness can not coexist.  If you walk into a room that “feels dark,” it is no longer dark, because YOU are there.

Being the light in a dark world is not an easy task.  In the physical world, illuminating the darkness is as easy as flicking a switch.  In the spiritual realm, however, lighting up the dark can be anything but easy.  We live in the midst of a very real battle between good and evil and combatting that evil requires us to be prepared on all fronts for the many types of warfare we will encounter.  It is no easy task, but, praise be to God, we do not have to illuminate the darkness all on our own.  God, in His magnificent generosity, gave us the gift of the Holy Spirit to come alongside us as we “walk in the light.”  We would be ill equipped to be a light or to fulfill the commission He bestowed upon us without the Holy Spirit flowing through our lives.  He has given us the keys to His kingdom and has held nothing back from us that we need to accomplish His purposes here on earth.

Verse 17 of Luke 8 says, “There is nothing hidden that will not be disclosed…”  In a literal sense, of course, this is very true of light.  When you turn on a light in a room, all that was hidden by the darkness is exposed.  Reading those words, though, I heard God making a promise to me, a promise that said, “There is nothing you are going to need to fulfill my commission and share my truth that I am not going to give abundantly to you.”  Sometimes, when sharing the gospel, it can feel like there are so many obstacles hindering someone’s ability to understand and accept the truth.  People come from so many different backgrounds with so many different burdens and struggles, that it is impossible to have a “one-size-fits-all” approach to sharing the gospel.  Praise be to God that He has disclosed and made available to us all we need to be effective witnesses to the gospel.  It is not our words, our ability to expound or persuade, or our testimony that ultimately leads someone to Christ.  It is God alone who softens hearts, convicts souls, and guides us into relationship with the Son.  In His unexplainable grace and abundant generosity, He has made available to us everything we need to be a light in a dark world.

Light.  Broke.  Through.

Three little words that make all the difference in the world.  When The Light broke through the atmosphere of earth and was born to a teenage virgin in Bethlehem, the course of history changed and, as a result, you and I have the amazing opportunity to be light that breaks through the darkness.

“Let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven.”

Matthew 5:16

These two sisters have been such a blessing to our family, specifically to our little crew of kiddos.  We are super fortunate that they live right around the corner and are seriously the most wonderful girls you could hope to meet.  Totally kindhearted, they love Jesus, and they have been amazing babysitters for us many, many times.  They’re off to Liberty University this week and we are more than a little bit bummed to have to say goodbye.  Amy and Emily will definitely be missed by not only our family, but many others in our circle of friends who have had the opportunity to get to know these lovable ladies.  Have fun at school, you two, I know you’re going to have a blast!!!

 

 

6 more months.  Seeing it typed out that like makes it seem a lot shorter than it already does.  6 months, why, that’s just a passing breeze….I can hardly wrap my mind around it really.  It seems like there’s still so much to do here and still so much that has to be worked out in Kauai, that it can really be overwhelming sometimes.  God has been teaching me so much about Himself and showing me so much about myself through this whole process; I think that’s been the most unexpected and blessed part of this whole thing.

 

We went back and forth about whether we should ship a lot of our household goods out to Kauai or if we should just sell them here in NC.  After a lot of conversations and some working of numbers, we realized that it just made more financial sense to sell as much as we could before going out.  I knew from the get go that we would need to do a lot of pairing down of possessions before the move, but I wasn’t sure how I would feel about the prospect of really starting over with nothing.  To be honest, I thought that I wasn’t attached to many of our material belongings, but as item after item goes out the door into (usually) strangers hands, I have realized that the things that I thought meant little to me actually meant quite the opposite.

 

We’ve been actively selling off our belongings for the last 6 months or so, but as the time to move starts getting closer, I am looking around my house and it looks nothing like it did a year ago.  Decorating, design, and DIY fun are three of my favorite things to do.  When we moved into this house 5 years ago, we had so many fun ideas for how we wanted to decorate and what we wanted it to look like.  We poured a lot of time and money into creating a comfortable and cute place to call our own, and, to be honest, I took a lot of pride in our home.  People were always commenting on how adorable it was and it made me feel good to know that our house was seen as a “cute little bungalow” by the river.  Looking back on that time, I so clearly see that instead of seeing our home as a tool that God could use to reach out to others, I was seeing it as a palate to display my own creativity and as a outlet to stoke a flame of pride that burned hot inside of me.

 

The Bean house is looking pretty stark these days.  The family room is empty, the dining room walls are bare, my bed is on the floor, and the shower is rocking’ a sheer white liner as a curtain.  My sewing supplies are stuffed in a corner of Avenlea’s closet, and even the kids toys are starting getting down to only the ones they play with every day.  As I look around the room that once brought me a sense of coziness and comfort, I honestly just feel a little bummed.  It’s all utility these days, and even utility has started to be replaced with necessity.  To say that it’s been a humbling thing to live like this would be an understatement.  It’s been a really wild ride with God as I have had to let go of my desire to impress others with my home.

 

I think the craziest thing about this whole faith journey thus far has been all the unexpected lessons God has had to teach me before we ever take the physical step of leaving the military and moving to the South Pacific.  I thought that the actual step of moving to Kauai would be the genesis of all this change, but I have come to realize that the steps leading to the move are actually where God is doing all the ground work.  Had it been possible for us to pack up and leave a year ago, I shutter to think of where we would be now.  I was so unprepared for the amount of soul and heart change that was going to need to happen for us to be able to do this.  It’s embarrassingly hard and humbling to live in this half-furnished, cluttered house, but I know that dying to that part of me that feels pride in having a “cute” home was and is something that has to go.  It is very likely that we will be living super small scale in Hawaii, at least for a time, and I know I would have been totally unwilling to live with less in the place I was a year ago.  Not that i’m 100% stoked about it today, but God has really helped me to see my pride for what it was and, by His grace, He has helped me to let it go.

 

We had a potential buyer come by yesterday to look at the house, and it was so strange to walk her around the place and to really think about the fact that, in all likelihood, we will be out of this place in the next few months.  This home has been so many things to us….our first home purchase, a place to raise our babies and host small groups and birthday parties, a place where we have come to know every squeaky 100 year old floor board  and hard-to-open window.  It is so surreal to really process what is going to be like to leave all of this behind.

 

The thought of returning to 1 or 2-bedroom apartment life seems like a step backwards sometimes, but I am so confident that God is calling us to a new way of life, so when I get grumpy thinking about letting go of all this “stuff,” I just remind myself that that’s really all it is…..STUFF.  It’s not going to last.  None of it.  When Jesus told us during the sermon on the mount to, “…store up treasures in heaven” (Mat. 6:20), I think He was serious.  All the stuff we allow ourselves to become burdened with here on Earth has great potential to distract us from the calling God has placed on our lives.  I used to wonder sometimes what God was talking about when he used the worlds “heavenly treasure.”  You see, there’s only ONE thing that we can collect on Earth that we are going to be able to rejoice over in heaven…..lives.  Souls.  People.  That’s what we are here for, to do the will of God and share the gospel so lives can be transformed.

 

Can God’s will still be accomplished in a comfortable, cutely decorated house with pinterest projects in every room- yep, definitely!  Right now, though, for me, it’s another thing that’s got to be laid down to follow His call.  I certainly hope that there will be a day where I get to enjoy the fun that comes with decorating a home, but I know my heart’s going to be in a different place next time around.  Until then, I’ll let Him keep refining and I’ll keep obeying, even when it means I have to sell that adorable robin’s egg blue dining room table that I begged my husband for…..

I felt like it was my birthday.  Normally when I ask them to let me take their pictures, I get a scowl, a silly face, and a shot of the back of their heads.  I’m sure it’s a result of their over-photographed early years, but my kids (except for Avenlea; that’s another story) HATE when I try to take their pictures.  I haven’t been super busy with clients lately (it’s hot!!!), so when Noa asked, “why don’t you ever do photo sessions of us?”, I was on it like white on rice.  This is the same location I posted about the other day, and i was so excited to take my own kids there to take advantage of that amazing evening sunlight.

 

 

My firstborn.  It’s been a really long time since I took pictures of him.  So much passion, energy and confidence in this one.  I wonder sometimes

how God is going to use his opinionated, restless, and impulsive personality in the future.  Reminds me so much of myself….

And my Banyan.  Polar opposite from his big bro in every way possible.  Timid, shy, eager to please, and so content to be

by my side.  I prayed for a girl for 10 weeks when I found out I was pregnant with him.  I’m so so so thankful that

God knows our needs more than we do.  This little boy is such a joy to parent.  He can be the whiny-est little thing

sometimes, but when he’s good, he’s very very good.

Avenlea Wren.  Her feisty little personality was not at all what I envisioned when I dreamed about who my daughter would be.  She’s a female version

of Noakea with all the independence of a patriot.  Oh, my daughter….

And, then, this.  All three of them.  What a tough little quiver of arrows they are that God has given Austin and I.  Shooting these

three into the big adventure that God has drawn for each of them is an exercise in faith that I could never have prepared myself for.  When I think of

all the obstacles they will face as they grow and learn, I am well aware that there is little I can do to adequately prepare them for the winding road full

of twists and turns that life’s road is going to place before them.  I pray for them often.  For many things, but above all else, I pray that they would have

an insatiable  desire for the things of God.  I pray that they would love him with a depth and breadth that would like like a bottomless cup in

need of filling.  I am humbled and brought to my knees by the responsibility of shepherding these three hearts.

These pictures make me laugh.  Not that they’re funny, necessarily, but the who process to taking them was just so fun.  Avenlea is

really obsessed with posing right now.  It’s almost like a game of freeze.  I can position her into almost any position and tell her to

“wait, wait,” and she will stay just like I posed her.  So fun.  She thinks it’s a game.  I’ll take advantage of it while I can.